I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
