He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
