Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
