some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
