You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
