Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You are a genius and a whore.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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