It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
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i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
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I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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