There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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