you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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