i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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