I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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