I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
