Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
