you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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