I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
