I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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