I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
