good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
