thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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