the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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