So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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