In America we eat man semen.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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