i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
