he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
