wanna go halves on a baby?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
