My boss' voice literally gives me gas
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
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