I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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