And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
