planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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