I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
