When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
