what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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