no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
