I smell stomach acid.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
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I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
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Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My vagina just clenched in fear
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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