I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
