I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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