Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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