Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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