4 words: hood of his car
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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