Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
