I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
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we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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