So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
