He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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