Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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