the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
