D3 body, D1 cock
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
