I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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