thus making me awesome and them whores
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
