I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
