A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
