I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
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Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
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She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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