Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
