Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
