You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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