I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
