I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
