Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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