Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
