Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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