It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
