I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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