just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
